Only Time Will Tell
by xoxjumpergirlxox
Summary: This is just my sorry attempt to tide myself over until September. Set during Season 3, Tara is hurt by Jax over and over. Will it be the end? Only time will tell.  This is my first story, so if its crap, please let me know. Just don't judge me too harsh.
1. Chapter 1

"We are not your family!" Jax's voice kept replaying through Tara's mind, over and over. She should have known it was too good to be true, who was she to deserve everything she wanted.

FLASHBACK:

_Tara came home to the sight of her father sprawled out on the coach with a bottle of jack in his right hand. He stood up at the sound of the door, and looked at her with glazed eyes. She thought to herself, "Maybe he isn't that drunk, he isn't looking at me like he hates me." Her hopes were dashed when she saw the hate radiate through his enlarged pupils. He made his way over to her and stopped right in front of her. "Please, please, please just walk away, don't hurt me, " Tara silently begged with her eyes. Her pleas were to no avail as her father lunged and gripped her throat. Tara clutched at his hands, trying desperately to pull his hands away from her neck. The more she fought, the harder his grasp became. Then the yelling started, "You are nothing but a waste of life!" "You don't deserve anything." "You're just like your mother, a god damn whore." The more he shouted, the harder he grasped and the more Tara was struggling to breathe. "You little piece of shit, I hate you!" The pain became unbearable for Tara, not only physical, but she could feel her heart crying out in pain. "Why?" was the last thought Tara had as her vision slowly faded to black and her limbs grew heavy. _

It wasn't the first time her father turned on her and it certainly wasn't the last. She remembers how Jax looked when he saw the handprints around her neck, the pity in his eyes and the anger. Most of all, she saw the love he had for her, and she knew that she didn't need her father, she had Jax and his family, they were the only family she needed. When she left, that family disowned her, and after all this time, she was finally welcomed back into the fold. For the first time in ten years, Tara felt something other than hatred for herself and fierce longings, she felt loved and she knew she belonged here, with Jax and Abel and SAMCRO, even with Gemma. All the joy she felt was sucked out of her with five words, "We are not your family!" Suddenly, Tara was back in her house with her father and felt the intense pain of knowing she was alone. She knew that Jax was trying to push her away, but she had left once and wasn't doing it again. No matter what Jax said, she knew he loved her, and that fact was what she drew her strength to fight from. So when he said they were done, Tara knew that that wasn't the end, she wouldn't let it be. Laying in Jax's bed, by herself that night, Tara knew that the next day would be a fight, but she also knew that she wouldn't let Jax push her away.

THE NEXT DAY:

Tara made her way through the clubhouse, barely glancing at anyone, as she booked it to Jax's room. He had never come home last night and she couldn't let him leave with their relationship the way it was—in tatters. She had just got to the hallway when Opie's door flew open and he called out her name, "Tara. He's not there." "Where is he? He didn't come home last night." Opie replied with a flippant "I don't know", but Tara knew from the look in his eyes that he did, in fact, know. She gazed back at him with a sudden understanding, but she had to see for herself. Tara burst into Jax's room to find him laying in bed, smoking a cigarette. Looking around she saw a bra, shoes, and clothes strewn all about the room. "Oh my god" was the only thought running through Tara's head as she whipped her head back up to Jax's face. He sat there looking at her like he was just caught stealing candy from the jar. She heard a noise come from the bathroom and looked up to see that porn bitch Ima in a SAMCRO shirt and nothing else. Then she gave me a smug smile and had the audacity to say, "Mornin". I cast a final disbelieved look towards Jax, who finally had the decency to look guilty, and slammed the door shut. I went running the maze of halls and made it through the clubhouse, stopping for nothing, even when Opie shouted that he was sorry. The only thought burning through my mind was to get out of there. Tara ran the last couple of feet and practically jumped towards the cutlass. She started the car and was leaving the lot when she saw Lyla watching her and Ima approaching Lyla. "This is it, no more nice Tara," I thought to myself as I slammed on the breaks and threw the car in park. I stormed over to the pair and got right up in the bitch's face. "You fucking prick!" I screamed at Ima. "He is mine, not yours, NEVER yours. Don't you ever come near my family again." Ima shouted back, "Well, he wasn't yours last night was he? Oh, that's right, he was fucking me, not you." Red flashed across my vision and the next thing I knew, my hands were around her neck. I threw her to ground and jumped on top of her, punching her as hard as I could in her face. She reached up to yank my hair, which only served to enrage me more. I just threw more punches, if she even hit me back, I couldn't tell, the only thing I felt was rage. Rage at her, rage at Jax, and rage at everything shitty thing that ever happened to me. I didn't even notice when Lyla ran in shouting for the guys to come and get me off her. Soon I felt arms around me trying to pull me off of the bitch, but I was like a dog and her bone, nothing was gonna stop me. Finally, I felt two arms grab me and I knew instantly that it was Opie and Jax. I stopped fighting only long enough to pull myself away from him. The thought of being near Jax both raced my pulse and made me sick. I looked around and saw Happy, Tig, Bobby, Juice, Kozik, Chibs, Piney, Clay, and Lyla all watching me with a mixture of emotions. I could tell all the guys were proud of me due to the grins on their faces, they were probably shocked as well. I don't think I have ever been that out of control before, and they knew it. I turned back towards Opie and the man that broke my heart. Jax just looked at me and with a shake of his head just said, "Tara." I looked at him and spat some blood out on the ground and said an ever eloquent "Fuck you Jax."


	2. Chapter 2

*I forgot to put this on the first chapter, but I own NOTHING! Zip, Zilch, Nada. As much as I wish that Jax was mine, sadly Kurt Sutter gets the honor. The only thing I do own is any characters I add in, which I probably won't because why mess with a good thing?

** I also wanted to thank those who reviewed my story: pelegoddess, Beth, Asbo29, and Pureevil230. Reading your reviews made me want to continue on with this story. Also, I am sorry if any of your names are wrong. Lol.

**Jax's P.O.V**

As soon as Tara had slammed the door shut, I knew that I had done what I set out to do; there was no way in hell she would want to be with me now. The broken look on her face was something I had never seen before. Even back in the day, when her old man would beat the shit out of her, Tara would never look defeated, despite what her injuries said. When I looked into her eyes, I saw her determination and will to survive; Tara was a fighter, through and through. Seeing that look had shocked me to my very core, I could feel my own heart breaking in time with hers. She deserves better than this, better than me. I know that Tara will have a happier life without me, now she is free to find someone who won't come home to her with blood on his hands and guilt weighing on his heart. What I did was the wrong thing, but I did it for the right reasons. Despite knowing this, the thought of any man holding her, touching her, _fucking _her, makes Jax want to kill. The fierce possessiveness Jax feels for Tara is already creeping through his veins, and he has to clench his hands and eyes closed before he goes running after her. After he is sure Tara had gone, Jax opened his eyes to the sight of Ima coming towards his bed, "You alright?" she asked while she started to climb back in. The only thing he saw when he looked at her, was the look on Tara's face, and the only thing he felt was regret. "Get out." That was the most coherent thought that Jax could muster at that point and he figured it delivered the message well. Ima just looked surprised and then she put on her clothes (if you can call them that), gave Jax a "sexy" grin and sauntered out of the door. "Jesus Christ, what have I done?"

Jax needed to get a shower and attempt to wash off the grit from his tumble with Ima. As he walked out of his bathroom, he found Opie sitting in his chair and smoking a cigarette. "Busy morning for you," he said nonchalantly. I just gave him a look and said, "Little bit." "Ima… that's kinda a dick move." "Yep." I replied. "Wanna tell me what's going on?" "Nope." I feel like I'm sitting in with Doctor fucking Drew. Opie put out his cigarette, stood up, and said on his way out, "Well, I hope you wrapped your shit, that was a high traffic zone you were ripping through last night." As much as I needed to not talk about what had just happened, I also knew that Op was my best friend and would be honest with me, so I caught him before he left, "Hingsight." He came back in and I started, "If a dick move coulda pushed Donna away, would you have done it?" I knew it was low to bring up Donna, but I needed his answer. "When I first went inside, I pushed Donna for a divorce. Told her the marriage was a joke, she should just take the kids and split. She knew what I was doing, she hung in. I think its gonna take more than a little porn pussy to scare away Tara." Jax looked down, thinking that Op wouldn't be saying that if he had seen her face. Just when I was about to ask him about his porn pussy, Lyla in the flesh appeared at my door. "Opie, you gotta get out there! Tara is gonna kill Ima!" She then ran out of the door again, leaving us in a shocked silence before Op and I looked at each other and simultaneously said, "Oh shit." We were both remembering the one fight in particular that Tara had been in, and knew that she would indeed kill Ima.

**Flashback:**

_Tara and Jax had been dating for a couple of months now and everything was going great. Save for his meddlesome mother, her abusive father, and the bitchy girls going after Tara. She had always been tough, but Jax had never seen Tara in an actual fight. Despite her viperous tongue, Tara had never been one to throw punches. Boy was Jax wrong. He and Op were walking to their bikes after the bell had rung, when they turned the corner and saw Sadie Duncan and a couple of her friends taunting Tara. They were saying that she wasn't good enough for Jax, that he needed a real woman not some nerd whose mommy fucked everybody until the day she died and a daddy that beats her. Even though Jax would have cracked by now, Tara still kept quiet and just looked straight at Sadie, with her head held high. Then Sadie made the ultimate mistake, she said that if Tara was more like her whore of a mother then maybe Jax would be interested for a little bit longer She told Tara not to worry, that she would "take care" of Jax for her. Next thing Jax knew, Tara's elbow was slashing through the air and a sickening crunch was heard as Sadie's nose broke practically in half. Then Tara grabbed her head and slammed it into the lockers behind her. When Sadie fell with a thud, Tara went with her and she landed with a hand in Sadie's hair and a fist she was trying desperately to shove through the girl's face. Everybody watching was paralyzed, but when Jax saw Sadie pass out and Tara wasn't stopping, he ran out with Opie and tried to yank her away from what was left of Sadie Duncan. But by god, Tara was surprisingly strong and it took all of Jax and Opie's combined strength to pull her off of the girl. Needless to say, nobody at school fucked with Tara again. _


	3. Chapter 3

~Once again, I own nothing.

~Thanks again to all those who have read my story and have supported it. I really appreciate feedback, so if there is something you want to see or something you didn't like or understand, please let me know. This is for you guys just as much as it is for me. Lol. Also, my updates may be a bit longer as I started school this week and have hard classes. I will try to update as soon as I can though.

Jax's POV

Opie and I bolted from my room just as soon as our heads came back from 1994 and into the present, where Tara was currently about to commit manslaughter. Bursting through the front door of the clubhouse and into the deceptively perfect morning, I saw Tara laying into Ima hardcore. I was feeling both pride and astonishment at the scene before me, and deep inside I also felt guilt. Shaking away these feelings I rushed over to Tara and with the help of Opie we grasped Tara to drag her away from Ima. It wasn't a hard task because as soon as Tara recognized the arms curled around her shaking body, she yanked back as though she has been burnt. I felt the world fall away as Tara and I looked each other dead in the eye. I shook my head and got out, "Tara," when the love of my life gave me the look she reserved for my mother when she pissed her off, spat out blood towards my feet and said, "Fuck You!" I felt like my heart stopped in that moment as I watched Tara walk away from me, except unlike the last time I was left watching her leave, I had no one to blame but myself.

Back to Tara's POV

I know that I probably could have had an infinitely more mature reaction about the whole situation with the porn bitch, but letting that part of myself, the passionate and fighting Tara, come out just felt damn good. I spend so much of my time trying to control every minute emotion that I have, that I end up cutting a part of myself off from the world. Then, all the emotions I harbor just build up to the point where they explode like hot molten lava. It's hard to break that habit, when that was the only thing that kept me going through my years with daddy dearest and then the years bereft of Jax. To be honest though, I feel slightly like a sociopath because every time my fist hit that thing's face, I felt this sense of relief and joy. Finally that bitch was getting hers! Maybe I could have been mature, but then maybe I could also invite the whole porn studio into Jax's bedroom and said, "Here you go girls, have at him." This was more than revenge, this was a message: "To all those skanky bitches who think they can come after my man, guess again." Ima's face was the envelope and that shit was signed, sealed, and delivered. I was broken out of my revelry by the sound of my phone ringing. Looking down I saw that it was Lyla and felt slightly disappointed that Jax's picture wasn't smirking up at me from the screen. "Hey Lyla," I answered. "Tara, are you okay? I'm sorry I got the guys, but I thought you were actually going to kill her!" Gratitude for Lyla immediately swarmed through my body as I realized that she was right, I would have killed her. "Well, I'm doing just as okay as can be expected from someone who just caught the love of her life with a porn slut. No offense." "No offense taken. I feel so bad, like it's my fault. She was only there because I was." Lyla's voice was laced with guilt and I knew I had to fix that. "Honey, unless you physically put his dick into that disease laden pussy, this isn't your fault. Jax did this, he broke us." "I'm sorry. Jax doesn't know what he is doing; he's just so worried about finding Abel that he doesn't realize he's throwing away the best thing that ever happened to him." "It doesn't matter Lyla, he doesn't love me anymore. He blames me for Abel being taken. I was just a stand-in mom and temporary pussy. I lost both my son and my heart." I choked this out whilst trying to swallow the sobs. "Tara, honey, none of this is your fault. Listen, I'm on my way now. I figured you were already at your dad's place so I ordered pizza and I bought beer and some liquor. Your gonna have a good cry, and I am going to lend you my shoulder for it." She then ended the call and left me sitting on my living room floor, shaking from the sheer force of my sobs.


	4. Chapter 4

* I own nothing, Kurt Sutter does.

** Where I am from, there is currently a 16 year old girl fighting for her life. She went swimming in a local river, but contracted an amoeba. These are extremely rare and almost always fatal. A priest has already come by and read her last rites. We are all hoping for a miracle. I would like to ask that everyone reading these stories pray for her. Regardless of religious affiliation, she needs a miracle and God is what we have to rely on. If you don't believe, then at least send out good thoughts to whatever you do believe in. Tell everyone you know to do the same, please. She has barely even had a chance to live her life yet. Her name is Courtney, and I would just really appreciate this. Thanks.

*** I also noticed that my stories were getting progressively shorter and this bothers me, so that's stopping right now. Oh, and Tara will be pregnant eventually, don't know when, but I want her to get some of her anger out recklessly which she wouldn't do if she was knocked up.

TARA POV

Lying on the floor in my father's house, I came to the conclusion that my life was currently a huge pile of steaming shit. Having this revelation combust in my face with the stench of smoke and sex permeating through it, well that just topped the cake. With that thought, I burst into a renewed set of tears with the vigor of an Olympic athlete. In the middle of my third repetition of this cycle, a knock thumped against the front door. I couldn't move or even speak; I could only look at the wall in front of me with tired eyes. Luckily, Lyla knew enough to just come in anyways and I heard her gasp as she took in my current condition. "Oh Tara. Come on, let's get you fed." Lyla said as she strutted over to my semi-comatose body and wrapped her arms underneath mine, and pulled me up to a sitting position. I felt like I was hovering over the scene, present but yet only in body. I wanted to move, knew I needed to move but the thought of it made me exhausted. These feelings were quickly exacerbated when I felt a heavy slap lay upon my face. Quickly shifting my eyes toward Lyla, I moved my cold hand up to my face in an attempt to soothe the sting. "Look, I understand that your in a lot of pain. Jax ripped your heart of your body and then shredded it in the dirt. It's fucked up, but lying in this dark and kind of creepy house is not the answer. So, sit your skinny ass up and eat some of this delicious pizza I bought, while I fix us up a smorgasbord of alcohol." Lyla actually stepping up and getting some balls gave me the strength to do as she said and dig in. I figure if Lyla can be tough enough to say that to me, then I can be tough enough to weather this heartache with dignity and lots of booze. "Hey Lyla?" I called out. "Yeah?" "Thank you. I'm sorry I was such a bitch to you when we first met. I don't know what I would do if you weren't here right now." "It's okay. I understand. Now, how are you?" How am I? Three little words and I can't even begin to describe them. "There's no words, Lyla. My heart feels like it was ripped apart. Every breath I take, physically hurts. I just keep thinking about everything we've been through together. Why would he do this? He told me, he t-told me..." "What did he say?" "He said that when I came back, it was like fate was giving him a second chance, to do our relationship better. He told me that he must have been with hundreds of women, but that my face was the only one he saw. We were it for each other, he said. Nobody else would ever make him feel the way I do, and he would never want anybody else. Apparently, that was just a lie." I finished this with tears falling down my face. "I know it hurts right now, but Tara I promise you will get through this. It may seem like he doesn't care right now, but he loves you. No matter what he says or does I have seen the way that Jax looks at you, and that is what true love looks like. He's confused and stupid, and that isn't an excuse, but I know he is regretting every asshole thing he did to you." Lyla said this which such a conviction that it almost made me believe her. Almost. "He knew that I would never forgive him for this. I told him cheating was a deal breaker, I already share him with the club and I will not share him with anyone else. He knew Lyla, but he did it anyways. I'm done." After declaring this, I bypassed the beer and went straight for the bottle of whiskey. Taking a healthy gulp and wincing as it went down, I turned towards Lyla and whispered, "I'm on my own now. Just like always." Lyla didn't speak, but instead wrapped her arm around me and took a sip of her beer. "Your not alone Tara. This time, you have me. I won't let you face this by yourself." I looked at her through watery eyes and tried to convey my thankfulness through the gaze. Then, I grabbed my bottle and proceeded to lose myself in the steady burn of the liquid fire as it slide down my throat.

**The Next Morning**. (I'm going to speed up the events in Ireland because that isn't what the story is really focused on. I want Jax home so that my events can unfold.)

Lyla's POV

Waking up I discovered that Tara had finished the entire bottle of whiskey and vodka along with the rest of the beer. "God, that girl can drink," I thought to myself. Luckily her turnaround isn't as impressive as her intake, and she was knocked out on my lap. Moving carefully, I gently picked up her head and maneuvered myself off the couch. I put a cushion under her head and found an afghan to lie across her body. Then, I grabbed my phone and tip-toed across the room into the kitchen. Sitting down, I dialed Opie's number and waited for an answer. "Hey baby," he answered quietly. "Hey Op. Did you get there okay?" "There were some complications, but we're all okay. Gemma managed to convince Tara to get her out. How they did that, I have no idea, since Tara was indisposed at the time of her miraculous escape, but those two are thicker than thieves these days. She doing alright?" "Op, she is not okay, at all. Jax is a fucking prick. I brought pizza and alcohol over and she was lying in the dark, crying her eyes out. I got her to eat and then she finished off an entire bottle of whiskey, vodka, and half a case of beer." "Fuck. I forgot to tell you, Tara can drink the shit out of anything. I tried to stop her from going in there, but you can't tell Tara to do anything once her mind is set." "She's such a strong woman Opie. When I was talking to her she was trying so hard to keep her emotions in check and then she just burst, like a flood dam. I'm not used to this Tara, this broken woman. It's not right, Op." "Tara grew up without a mother, and then an alcoholic and abusive father. She's always had to be tough. I hate that this is happening, but Jax is hurting too." "JAX is hurting? This is his fucking fault Opie! He deserves to feel the way she does, like his heart has been ripped to shreds and everything you love, gone! He has continually hurt Tara and enough is enough. She won't survive much more." "Lyla, baby, calm down. I understand what you're saying; she's one of my best friends. You don't know Jax though; this was his way of protecting her. He figures that if he pushes her away, she can find someone better and be happy." "She won't ever find anyone else, Op. Jax has always been the one for her. She loves him and she loves Abel with all her heart." "She's the only one for Jax too; he's just too damn stupid to see it." Suddenly, a light bulb went off in my head and I had a plan. "Op, I have a plan. This is gonna make Jax realize exactly what he's missing. Tara's gonna move on alright. She's going to flaunt guys in front of him and make him realize how much of a dumbass he is." "How do you know that Tara will go along with it?" "Op, I'm a girl, therefore I know. Tara is hurt, and when women are hurt they do things to hurt those who hurt them. She'll want Jax to feel how she feels every time he flirts with other girls and especially how she felt when she saw him and Ima. "You're an evil genius, you know that?" Opie exclaimed. "Yes, I do. Now, what you need do is get Abel home as soon as possible, okay?" "Already on that baby, we should have him within a couple of days. Apparently things go much quicker when you threaten to kill everyone you see." "Excellent. Be safe baby, I love you. So much." "I will. You stay safe too; make sure you and Tara stay around the clubhouse. Tig, Kozik, and my dad are there. I love you too." "Okay, will do." Just as I was about to hang up, I heard Opie's voice call out, "And Lyla? Watch out for Tara, she's a force to reckon with." "I'm counting on it."


	5. Chapter 5

* Kurt Sutter owns SOA. I obviously, and unfortunately, do not.

**The girl I asked everyone to keep in their thoughts and prayers passed away Saturday afternoon. Thanks to anyone who thought about her.

Tara POV

I woke up with my face planted in the seats of my couch and a massive hangover. Everything in me hurt: my eyes, my lungs, my throat, my heart. I had, for a disillusioned moment, thought that everything that occurred in the past few months was just a nightmare and that when I opened my eyes, everything would be alright. When I managed to pry one eye open, I saw I was in my father's house and was surrounded by bottles of alcohol, which I can only assume I drank most of. The events of yesterday came barreling back at a hundred miles an hour, and any attempt to sit up was forcibly shoved aside by my brain firing the neurons that immobilized me in the laying down position. Tears began to fall down like rain and I felt myself start to shake again with silent sobs. I can't believe Jax did that, why in the hell would he do that? I have done every conceivable thing in my power to make him happy and loved and he just doesn't want my love. I should have seen this coming, like daddy always said, "You're a worthless piece of shit. No one will love you. " "Tara, that's not true. Your father was the piece of shit, for everything he said and did to you." I heard Lyla's voice swimming in the background. How did she know what I thought? "Sweetie, you're mumbling. It's not your thoughts I'm hearing, its your words." Lyla then replied once more. "At least I'm not crazy then," I croaked out. "I just wanted to let you know that I talked to Opie earlier and they arrived safely in Belfast. They should have Abel within a few days." I felt a pressure release from my chest and was able to breathe slightly better with that news. I wanted to vocalize my relief, but when I tried to put my feelings into words, my throat wouldn't work. So, I grabbed my throat and signaled to Lyla that I couldn't talk anymore at the moment. She nodded with understanding and stated, "I'm surprised you talked as much as you have. You went hardcore with the liquor last night. I cringed every time you brought the bottle to your lips. Must have been like swallowing fire." I tried to smile, but I had a feeling it turned out much more like a grimace. I looked down at my lap and shook my head, briefly wondering if Jax was thinking about me at all. "Tara, look at me." I raised my head up slowly and questioned Lyla with my eyes. "You had your night to wallow, you know your son will be home soon, so now we have to plan your revenge. We are going to make Jax realize how much of a dumbass he has been, and he is going to go crazy wanting you back." This is will never work, I thought to myself and tried to convey to Lyla. "Jax loves you Tara, you two have the love that everyone strives for. Whenever you two are in the same room, there is this sharp energy in the air, almost as if your very souls are aching to connect to each other. I've never felt anything like that, and that is how I know that this will work. Now, let's get you some coffee because this will go much smoother if you can actually talk back to me." Nodding my head, I began the process of shaking myself from the drunken stupor I forced my body into. Unfortunately, while my body was running slow, my mind was still turning a mile a minute. Images of my life with Jax just kept assaulting my mind and with each one, I felt my resolve for this plan strengthen. Jax needs to understand how it feels to watch the one you love, be with others. He needs to feel the aching emptiness that occurs when you realize that you may never be enough. He needs to feel the pain that I have felt at his actions. These thoughts gave me the strength to pick myself up and head with Lyla towards the kitchen, but also to my future. After about 3 cups of coffee and a generous amount of Tylenol, I was able to find my own voice and quiet the ones in my heart. "Hey Lyla, what about if this all goes down in the clubhouse? I'm sure all the other charters will come down for the enormous party that Gemma will likely have, that's a lot of men." After a poignant pause Lyla slammed her hand on the table and squealed, "That is perfect! What better way to get back at Jax, than for him to see that you can get any man you choose, and especially one of his brothers. So, we dress you up extremely sexy and set you loose on the male population. All you have to do is flirt, dance, and throw it all in Jax's face." "You know what would be even better?" "What?" Lyla warily asked, not at all sure about the gleam in Tara's eye. "I should make Jax think that I'm going to sleep with them." "Explain." "If I talk to Happy or Tig, guys he won't kill, I bet they would be down to help mess with Jax." "I like this Tara, scares me shitless actually, but so long as the evil is focused towards other people, yeah I like it." I threw her a smirk and we both burst out laughing. For a moment, I thought I was free of thoughts about Jax, but in the back of my head and the forefront of my heart, his betrayal and my subsequent pain reside strong and true. Behind the empty smile and hollow laughter, I find myself wondering, "Will this pain ever subside?"

* It isn't as long as I had wanted, but I hadn't updated in a bit, and wanted to put out something. I'm not going to beg for reviews, but if you find yourself so inclined… PLEASE REVIEW. (not begging, more of calling out with a loud and desperate _sounding_ voice. Which in some countries mayhap be considered begging.) :P


	6. Chapter 6

***Kurt Sutter owns SOA, which means that I am SOL. (*wince* I had to do it.)**

**Tara POV**

**After I gave my body a little bit longer to recover from the torture I put it through the previous night, Lyla and I headed out to find my sexy outfit for tomorrow night. Opie had called her while I was taking a shower and shared the good news that they had Abel and would be back tomorrow. When I heard those words pass from Lyla's lips, I felt this immediate weight lift from my shoulders. The fear that Abel would never be found, or worse, that he would be found dead has been all-consuming these past weeks. Coupled with the Jax situation, it's a wonder that I am still breathing. Half the time, I feel as though I'm not really breathing at all, but merely absorbing the bare minimum amount of oxygen to survive. Hopefully, after tomorrow night, my days will be happy again, but these thoughts are shadowed by my father's voice saying, "**_**You don't deserve it**_**." He seems to be more and more of a visitor in my thoughts these days, and I hate the very notion of him being present with me. Anymore thoughts about my father were cut off as Lyla screamed in my ear, "TARA!" "What the fuck?" I shouted back. She responded back with a grin and a normal decibal of communication, "We're here. I've been calling your name for the last minute or two. What had you thinking so hard?" "Oh, okay. It was nothing Lyla, sorry about that. Let's head in." She gave me a puzzled look and seemed as though she was going to press me, but then decided against it and nodded her head. I was oblivious to my surrendings as I walked into the store behind Lyla, as I was thinking about whether or not this plan will really affect Jax. All of the sudden I felt a hard "Thwack!" on my ass and jumping around I saw Lyla with a paddle. With that wake-up call, I finally took in where we were… Lyla brought me to a store where all the Porn-Stars get their clothes! "LYLA! What in the hell are we doing here?" She wore a devious smirk and just replied, "We're getting you clothes, duh." "And how in the world is dressing up like the very bitch that he cheated on me with, going to be beneficial?" She rolled her eyes and simply stated, "Because Tara, when all the guys see you, you will be the focus of their attention. Thereby making Jax curious as to who the hottie is, at which point he realizes that it's you. Cue jealously, and cue revenge." I could only stare at Lyla as her plan formed in my head and I realized just how smart she really is. "Okay, let's do this!" We both began searching through rack after rack after rack of pieces of cloth that were wrongly called "shirts". Just when I thought this trip would be futile, a little black number caught my eye. Pulling it out, I saw an actual top! Well, more of a top than the others. Shouting over to Lyla, I ran into the dressing room. It was black silk, and had a completely open back, which showcased my crow in all its glory. Then the front had a built in bra and a deep v-neck cut, also showcasing my breasts beautifully. I actually felt sexy in this top, which was already a miracle. I opened the door and was immediately met with a "Hot Damn!" from my newest and dearest friend. "You might ****actually**** go home with someone. Hell, I'd go home with you." We shared a laugh at her last exclamations because really, what else do you do with that? "So, you think this will knock Jax on his ass?" I asked with a bit of uncertainty. "Honey, that will knock Jax on his ass and then shove him through the floor. " "Excellent. What else should I wear?" She thought for a moment and then said, "Well, you have a great ass, so I think we should put you in a pair of light wash, low-rise, tight, skinny jeans." "That sounds perfect actually." I replied more enthusiastically. "Great because I already found them. Oh, and I think you should wear some kick ass heels. That work for you?" "At this point Lyla, I'll try anything. I just can't wait to see my little boy and to see Jax's face." Despite the confidence I said this with, my insides were churning with nervousness. What if Jax truly doesn't love me anymore? Even though he was a complete dick, I still love him and would be back with him in a millisecond, if he wanted me. "**_**You're worthless**_**" resonated throughout my head at these thoughts. Daddy dearest departing words of wisdom from the grave again. It seems like everything I think of is paired with memories of the lonely nights spent with my father. Especially thoughts of Jax as of late, but I refuse to allow these haunting ghosts to control my life. I was going to get the life that I deserved, even if it meant that I had to get bloody for it. Armed with a new resolve, I paid for my clothes and headed towards the car with Lyla in tow. Tomorrow is the night I get my revenge, and hopefully, my man back. **


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing at all, ever, except for my own characters and plot line.

A/N: I am a horrible person. Horrific. I abandoned this story for quite a long while, and I am very ashamed and sorry. Sometimes I just feel like what I am writing is kinda shit worthy. Hopefully this isn't the case, but anyways, I am very very sorry.

Only Time Will Tell

Tara P.O.V

Today was the day, the boys are back and the party is going to be a very large occasion with charters coming from all over. Which means plenty of fresh meat in order to exact my revenge, however, my nerves are rubbed raw and I find myself growing more and more anxious as the clock dwindles down. Lyla will be here any minute to help me achieve my kick ass look, and that means that I'll be seeing Jax again in little less than an hour. Just thinking his name brought pains to my chest and butterflies to my stomach. I know that I love him, obviously more than I love myself, but I can't help but wonder if my happy ending is just a dream. Something that comforts my mind at night and warms my soul just enough to keep me alive, but sits unattainable in the light of day. Luckily, my musings have silenced my father's looming presence in my life as of late. Before my thoughts could lead me down that dark and twisty road, I heard Lyla come bursting through the door, her excitement palpable. "Are. You. Ready. To. Rumble?" she was shouting/singing as she skipped up to me. Laughing out loud I replied with a resolute, "Hell Yeah, let's get this show on the road."

Fourty-five minutes later and I came out of the makeup induced coma I was living in and emerged from my cocoon. Standing in front of the mirror, I could hardly believe that I was the woman looking back at me. Say what you want about porn stars, and I have a lot to say on that subject, but the bitches can make you look good. My skin was waxed, lotioned, and glistening. My hair fell in sexy, voluptuous, I-just got-fantastically-laid waves and gave me an air of badassery that was complimented by smokey makeup. Dark purple lined my eyes and called forth every pigment of my green eyes, my face unencumbered by blemishes, and my red, glossy lips were just begging to be kissed. I look fierce, and with this came a new confidence over what I was going to do tonight. "Like I said, if you don't go home with anyone, I claim the offer." I heard Lyla say just over my shoulder.

Turning around, I gave a sultry grin, and said, "Don't hold your breathe sweetheart." Lyla's jaw dropped, but she quickly recovered and burst out laughing, "I've created a man-eating monster, this is some of my best work." We chuckle for a little longer before we became serious once more. "Honestly though, are you ready for this Tara? I'm gonna have your back the whole time, but if at any point you want to back out, I got you." Hearing those words warmed my heart and gave her a softer, g-rated smile. "I appreciate that Lyla, without you I don't think that I could have gotten through this whole situation. You've kinda become my best friend. I'm not gonna back out of this though, I've been too passive for too long, and enough is enough. I **will not** play a victim." With soft tears in her eyes, Lyla cleared her throat and gave a slight shake of her head, " Let's go kick some ass". With that, we locked up and and drove to Teller Morrow.

The party had long past started, which was part of the plan. If Jax hadn't seen me yet, that meant that he wouldn't be expecting me to come at all, leaving me with the element of surprise.Exciting the car, Lyla and I strutted up and inside the clubhouse, where the music was blaring, sluts were dancing, and shots were being thrown back at an alarming rate. Obviously, I would have to wait to see my baby boy Abel, but that was fine with me, just the knowledge that he is home safe was enough for me, for right now. Taking a deep breath, I grab Lyla's hand and push our way towards the bar. I need a shot…


End file.
